Ortho resident wins prestigious grant

The Ashley Madison Fellowship

St. Elsewhere Medical Center is proud to announce that after a 3 month selection process and call for abstracts Dr. Brantly Carmichael as the inaugural recipient of the Ashley Madison Fellowship. The fellowship seeks to promote early career development of young surgeons, and was started to address the increasing age of surgery residents who are requiring more and more research years to be competitive fellowship applicants. The goal of the grant, says Mrs. Madison, is to accelerate young surgeons-in-training achieving success.

Dr. Carmichael states, “Everything has just become so competitive. You used to be able to have 3 maybe 4 wives by the time you retired. The average age of full professorship is now into your 6th decade, you’re lucky if you’ve even been remarried once by then.” Dr. Carmichael’s proposal “gaslight one of the nursing students into having an affair” was met with unanimous praise. He plans to use the funding to start cheating on his first-trimester pregnant wife who sacrificed her dreams to follow him to his 18th ranked orthopedics program in Kentucky.

-Rider